Orgasms, as a by-product, are equally amazing. And sometimes, it isn't even the connection you need - it's just the sex! It can make a bad day better and a good day great. Especially if you're walking away knowing you're safe, haven't caught anything or given anything. Perfect!
Consent and fun
Above and beyond the good times where sex is concerned, the most important thing about sex is
consent. Simply put, the people who are doing the sexing have to agree to what is going on, preferably explicitly so that everyone knows what is going on and there is no confusion at a later date. Not just because of the #MeToo movement, but also because it doesn't make sense to be the only one having a good time and no one else is in a multiple person act, yes? Because then you should have just stayed at home...
Another important one is just that: enjoyment. Is everyone having fun? And if not, why not? There are many reasons for this as well. Maybe one person isn't comfortable. Maybe someone needs a
shower! Maybe someone else has performance anxiety stemming from previous experience. There could be many reasons, and one of these is premature ejaculation.
The downside: premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation can be an unintentional deterrent to good sex. It can be very frustrating for everyone involved. Premature ejaculation is when one partner reaches orgasm quicker than the other party, usually quite early on, and way before their partner has climaxed. This cuts short the sexual act and can lead to a lot of dissatisfaction.
What is early on, though? For the 30 to 40 per cent of men who experience this, it's usually about a minute into the physical act. Stress, depression, guilt, or
relationship problems can affect men's performance in bed - sometimes they're nervous. Or tired. Or hungry! Or thinking too much about coming - and no, it isn't always because they
masturbate too much. Premature ejaculation is often linked to
erectile dysfunction as well, where a man cannot stay erect long enough to give pleasure.
Good sex in spite of PE
So how do you still enjoy sex in spite of this? The good news is, there are a couple of things couples can do. It's a good idea to talk about whether this has happened before, and what was going on around the time it took place.
Perhaps there may be a pattern that indicates when one partner is going through a stressful time at work, for example.
It also helps to remember that sex isn't always about penetration and orgasm. There are other things couples can do, as well as other forms of sex, such as extended
foreplay or
oral sex that can give just as much pleasure as penetration, using hands, mouths, and
sex toys, among others. Masturbating a few hours before sex can actually help to delay ejaculation as well - so can wearing a condom to reduce sensation, and so increase the time for pleasure during sex. Maybe try thinking of something else when you can feel yourself about to reach that point of orgasm?
Other approaches
Some couples opt to go to the doctor, which also makes sense. Psychological and psychosomatic factors should be ruled out first, however, before this is considered. Kenyan doctors sometimes prescribe lignocaine, a local anaesthetic, which is applied to the penis to reduce sensation and thus delay ejaculation.
One recommendation states that behavioural techniques help greatly: such as the stop and start technique, where your partner stimulates your penis until you are near climax, and then stops. You then wait for the feeling of arousal to pass. Repeat three or four times, then actually ejaculate. This is a method of training the penis and the man to last longer before orgasm.
Sex is indeed possible and enjoyable, even when premature ejaculation is a problem because it is a problem that can be solved.
Internal:
Orgasms: top five facts:
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/orgasms-top-five-factsConterns: all the facts:
https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/consent-all-the-factsThis post originally appeared on Love Matters Africa 
