Sexual fantasies are completely normal. Some of them may seem weird, but just because you fantasise about something doesn’t mean you have to do it.
Fantasies are normal
Most people have fantasies. Sexual fantasies are thoughts or pictures in your head that turn you on. They can be things that you think of yourself or based on memories of something you have seen, read or experienced – like a porn movie or a steamy night with someone. Fantasies don’t even have to be explicitly sexual – what arouses you is very personal. Some people are turned on when they think about tunnels because they remind them of vaginas. When it comes to fantasies, nothing is strange!
Because fantasies are something your imagination comes up with, they can be thoughts that would otherwise be seen as negative, strange, taboo, or even illegal in real life.
If you think your fantasy is particularly strange or out-of-the-ordinary: don’t worry, chances are, it’s not an uncommon fantasy at all.
As it can be difficult to talk about sex and sexual fantasies in real life, so some researchers think that fantasies are a way for ‘the brain to go wild’ – imagining things that are otherwise unspeakable in real-life. So even if you wouldn’t dare to ask your partner to try BDSM, you can live out your kinky fantasies in your head.
Fantasies don’t have to become reality
Almost everyone has sexual fantasies, but only few people act on them. It’s possible that even though you fantasise about something like a threesome, you really wouldn’t want to try it in real life.
That’s why you shouldn’t worry too much about your fantasies – if you are straight but you fantasise about having sex with someone of the same gender, it doesn’t mean you are homo- or bisexual. Or imagining having sex with someone other than your partner shouldn’t be seen as a desire to cheat. You shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty about your fantasies; think of them as a way for your brain to safely explore unknown areas of sexuality with some curiosity.
All genders have sexual fantasies, but studies show that women seem less likely to want to act them out. Other than that, the fantasies are quite similar across the different genders.