It can be quite hard. Which is why break-ups often come as a surprise to the one who's being dumped. Even though their partner has probably been thinking about leaving for a while.

Distance

But there are always warning signs. Your partner probably doesn't want to be intimate anymore. They're less affectionate, won't return your phone calls, make endless excuses why you can't get together, talk about 'me' instead of 'we,' ignore intimate remarks, and won't make plans for the future. They're probably also slowly removing their stuff from your house.

Cheating

Infidelity is another dead giveaway. Whether it's discovered or not. Because, if your partner's falling out of love, their world is suddenly full of good-looking people again.
They start to subconsciously advertise their availability. If your partner's doing that, they're probably also using their phone a lot, keeping it away from you, and are difficult to reach.
One moment affectionate, the next angry. Demanding more privacy and independence. Avoiding conflict, losing interest in sex, and frequently getting out of the house.
Everything you do annoys your partner. All their tolerance has gone, they seem to be deliberately looking for faults, and your arguments involve more and more criticism, put-downs, defensiveness, and stonewalling.

Lack of communication

When you're happy together, the first person you want to tell your news is your partner. But if lately, you don't seem to be hearing anything about your partner's day-to-day life, that's another sign that something isn't quite right.
Feeling more comfortable on your own? Is it a relief to escape from your partner for a while? Choosing to do less and less together is another indication that you're drifting apart.

Be blunt and ask

If it looks like the writing's on the wall, it's worth asking a few blunt questions.
Regardless of the answers, start remaking friendships, especially with people who don't know your partner. Start going to your favourite places with them, so you stop associating those spots with being a couple.
And when the end comes, don't beg or plead.
Just accept the end, keep your dignity, and just let them go. They may keep calling you, saying they still care, or whatever.
But that's not really about their feelings for you. They're just trying to avoid being seen as the bad guy. The reality is, they're moving on.
At best you'll be their backup plan. And life's too short to cling on to someone who'll ultimately disappoint you.
This post originally appeared on Love Matters Africa

About The Author

Author
Omani Joy

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