5 Steps to Forgive and Move On

Article by Maureen Kasuku
Posted: July 22, 2020

Forgiveness is imperative for our own happiness and growth. When we hold on to pain, resentment and anger it harms us and impairs our relationships more than it affects the person who wronged us. Forgiveness may be difficult to come by but with the right tools and effort, it is achievable. If you are struggling to heal from the hurt and pain caused by others, here are some steps to help you forgive them and move on

Acknowledge your hurt

The first step to heal yourself is to acknowledge that someone hurt you. It is also important to figure out who exactly hurt you, how they hurt you and to what extent they did. Additionally, it is crucial that you know not all actions that may have hurt you are unjust. Examining your pain should happen in a safe and supportive environment. If you are not able to do it on your own, you could see a therapist who will help you work out your emotions.

Develop empathy

Scientists discovered increased activity in the neural circuits responsible for empathy when people imagine forgiving someone. To develop empathy for a person, all you need to do is examine some details of the offender’s life. By doing so you may be able to identify the offender’s psychological suffering and physical frailties and begin to understand how their wounds lead them to hurt you.

Find meaning in your suffering

It is vital to find meaning in your suffering or else you could lose a sense of purpose in life which may lead to hopelessness and despair. Finding meaning in your suffering may change your perspective regarding what is important in life and thus change your long-term goals. It does not mean to make the best out of the suffering or form excuses for the offender. You have to examine your wounded self and recognize the injustice of the experience. You can find meaning in your suffering by strengthening your inner resolve, giving service to those in need or even speaking your truth.

Forgive yourself

We tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others, in order to forgive others, you should be able to forgive yourself for your past mistakes and ways in which you may have let down yourself. Self-forgiveness is a vital part of self- love in that if you break your own standards, you may begin to loathe yourself and avoid taking good care of yourself. Forgiving yourself also opens the doors to ask for forgiveness from others you might have wronged. A sincere apology free of expectations is the best way to ask for forgiveness from a person you may have wronged.

Develop a forgiving heart

We gain a better understanding of love, humility and courage when we overcome suffering. This may help us create an environment for others who have been harmed to also find meaning in their suffering and heal their wounded parts. Doing this goes a long way in breaking the cycle of hatred and violence in the community which is unknowingly passed down to the young ones.


About the author

Maureen Kasuku

Maureen is our resident cat lady and Beyoncé stan. She writes about spas, brunch and ballet recitals but has never been to any. Moonlights as a social justice activist in her spare time. She knows things and is obnoxiously opinionated on the internet but not in real life


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